eternal bodybag?

Germany

was like heaven but you see where I am now

it gets hotter than a hundred in the summer with no clouds

...I've been dragged down

but at the same time I've been dragging myself

for so long

-

to think I was someone special once upon a time

it's like

a seriously psychological delusion

&

the world doesn't mind

letting me know

-

I said to the butler here're the keys

then walked out with nothing

&

nothing is what I'll be

forced myself into slavery

What is this that I've done?

tried to go back home

but now there is none

-

tried to reach you through prayer

tried to reach you through war

tried to reach you through self-destruction (there's not enough wine)

found the silence I never wanted to find

the lost connection

but I am still here on the line

-

What is this that I've done?

What is this that I've done?

Is this what I thought I wanted sometime before now?

&

Is there any going back?

-

Or is this the meltdown I am not strong enough to hack?

Is this the world shifting it's pole(s) to bring life back?

Is this the way we are truly supposed to grow?

Does this ever end?

Or is this the eternal bodybag which I souly own?